One Night ~ 18″ x 24″ ~ Mixed Media on Paper
When you last heard from me, I was in the process of revitalizing my artistic career. Although my mind was very intent on getting my work out into the world, I was beginning to suspect that my heart had other ideas. And then my friend died.
If you’ve ever had anyone close to you pass away, after the shock wears off and the grief subsides, you may have found yourself doing an involuntary reassessment of your own life. Especially if the person was taken quickly. As I wrote at the time, I imagined she woke up just like every other morning and did what she always did. Then suddenly she was gone.
That sort of suddenness really hit me hard. I began letting the thoughts that were just below the surface rise to the top. I had been struggling way too much in my painting. I was not happy. You may have been able to tell in my writing. Maybe you could feel some of the pain lying underneath it all.
So I stopped painting for a while. I stopped trying to force something that didn’t want to happen.
But what I didn’t stop doing was immersing myself in personal growth reading and spiritual teachings. Nothing makes my heart soar faster than turning the pages of a really wise book and savoring the ideas as they transform, or not, my current thinking. This was a clue.
Most of you are reading this newsletter as a result of my Shine Your Light Tele-Summit. I thought back to that time and what I wanted to accomplish. So many of us carry this deep, inner pain lying just under the surface of our lives. We ask ourselves questions that we cannot answer. And we KNOW there has to be more than what we are experiencing.
What do you do when your light is all stuck inside with no obvious way out? What if it isn’t quite willing to be expressed? Too fearful or shy?
Eventually you begin to hurt. The pain begins to take its toll. First in little ways, a lack of confidence, a slip of self-esteem. You may not even notice it at first but with time, the pain grows and makes itself known in continually larger ways. I know because that was my life.
Passion Flow ~ 18” x 24” ~ Acrylic on Paper
In search of relief, I took a leap of faith and traveled to Boston to a workshop called Authentic Voice. There, among other things, I learned about intuitive writing and intuitive painting. I got in touch with what authentic voice means and my own latent potential. Most of all, I got in touch with the deepest part of myself, the part who wants to express, who wants to paint and dance with joy.
When I got home, out came the paintbrushes. One Night (top) and Passion Flow (above) are two in a series of intuitive paintings where I finally cut loose and let myself just express. The self-critic was gone and in its place were trust, allowing and joy.
Was I happy or what? I knew that I had been missing something. The passion had not been there. The desire all locked away. But now, the pain that I had been feeling receded. This is what I had wanted to do all along, to just let go and connect with the part of myself that knows what to do.
Totem 63” x 72” Oil on Canvas
I even got to that big, giant canvas I had stapled to the wall. (above) But most of all, I understood that my passion lies somewhere between painting and helping others experience their authentic voices so that they too can express their true selves, shine their light and dance with joy.